Automatic for the People

Our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors all interact. This is the basis of cognitive behavioral therapy. Basically, if you change your thoughts about something, then you will feel differently about it and you will behave differently as well. The same will happen if you change the way you feel about something or if you change your behavior. The three all interact. Changing your thoughts may be the best place to start. It isn’t that easy though. Why is it so hard to change the way we think about things? There are a number of reasons, but one that stands out is our tendency to invoke automatic thinking.

Automatic thinking is what we do when we don’t want to expend much mental effort. We rely on automatic thinking when we are stressed. Since our mental system is taxed when we feel stress, we take the path of least resistance. This means falling back on ingrained behavioral patterns and habits. Conditioned responses become our first line of defense when we are stressed. These responses may be positive or negative. Slowing down and taking a moment to react would probably be considered a positive response, while flying off the handle and losing control might would be considered a negative response. Our behavior comes as a result of our thoughts. When we change our thoughts, we change the way we act.

Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTS) are the most damaging automatic thoughts. ANTS result when we say things like “You ALWAYS do such and such…” or “You NEVER remember to …” You need to be careful with these absolute statements. While it might be true that a person does something most of the time, it is highly unlikely that they ALWAYS or NEVER do something. Telling someone that they ALWAYS or NEVER do something can escalate an argument. People will often take ANTS directed at them personally, become defensive, and then communication breaks down.

This brings us to feelings. If you stop and think about why you feel the way you do about something that upsets you, you will find that fear is usually behind your feelings. If someone upsets you, you feel slighted by them. You might feel like you don’t count. That makes you scared. So, it’s natural to lash out with ALWAYS and NEVER statements. However, invoking ANTS won’t solve your problems. If you stop and consider the thoughts behind your feelings, and you eliminate those nasty ANTS, you will find that you can keep your emotions in check better and start responding to people differently. ANTS can create a lot of problems. You will become a more positive person and have better interpersonal relationships if you get rid of them.