The Longest Short Amount of Time

I’m a firm believer that people can tolerate difficult life circumstances for about two to three years. This is the “longest short amount of time” that most people can endure. After that, your predicament really starts to weigh on you. I’ve carried this perspective with me through my pursuits in life. However, there is another “longest short amount of time” that is specific to relationships – three months.

What is it about three months? Is there something “magical” about three months? People I’ve talked to tell me that at around three months they often feel the compulsion to “run.” They tell me that around this time period they notice that many of their partners begin to change. It’s like people are on their best behavior for the first two and a half months or so and then something clicks at around three months and suddenly Dr. Jeckyll becomes Mr. Hyde. However, this personality transformation doesn’t happen in every relationship, so I think the three month marker is significant for another reason.

At three months, the relationship isn’t a brief fling or just a passing thing anymore. It’s become an entity unto itself. Three months is the longest short amount of time that someone can say they were in an actual relationship. The risk of getting hurt emotionally increases if the relationship continues. It’s easier for people to dissociate themselves from a situation if it hasn’t gone on very long. At three months, you also have to consider whether you want to fully commit to your partner. Before then, commitment isn’t a factor because it’s such a short length of time. People who have no intention of committing to their partner will bolt at this time. They can, however, say that they were in a relationship, albeit a short one. So, the three month marker helps us differentiate our one night stands, flings and brief encounters, and short relationships from our long-term relationships.

Perhaps we should put the clock away when we date. Baseball is one of the only games that doesn’t have a time limit (so why do the managers wear watches?). Anyway, maybe we should approach dating more like baseball. You begin with your best starting pitcher, then you bring in your middle reliever, and after the seventh inning stretch you get your closing pitcher ready. If the game is real good it goes into extra innings. If we weren’t so concerned about the clock, we might find that more of our relationships would go into extra innings. Otherwise, it might be best to call the game early on and play ball another day.