The break is probably the most important shot in pool. If you scatter the balls and pocket one or more of them, then it was a good break and it makes the rest of the game easier. If you don’t scatter the balls very well and you don’t pocket a ball, then it wasn’t a good break and it has a bad effect on the rest of the game. What about relationships? Is there a good way to end a relationship?
Well, there’s all kind of break ups. You have the Seinfeld breakup – it’s not you, it’s me (meaning it’s definitely you, believe me), the take you out to dinner so you don't make a scene breakup, the we need to talk break up, the don’t bother returning your calls until you get the message breakup, the impersonal text break up, and the sudden breakup you don’t see coming.
So, what should you do after the break up? Sometimes we get a bit lax when we’re dating. We start turning our attention to the other person and stop doing some of the things that probably attracted them to us in the first place. After a break up, it’s important to get back to doing the things you like to do (you shouldn’t have stopped doing them just because you were dating). This will do wonders for your attitude and will make you more appealing to another person when the time comes.
Another thing to keep in mind is how temporary things are. We should enjoy the moment more. In the case of dating, you don’t know how much time you might have with the other person. People come in and out of our lives. Enjoy the time you have dating. Don’t let the whole dating thing get you down. Have fun with it. If you get into a relationship, be aware that things can happen and people change. If we keep this in mind, we can appreciate the time we spend with each other more.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how the break up goes. What’s important is how you deal with it after it’s over. You can be a cool ex or a not so cool one. You can act like a child or you can be mature about it. The way the break up happens is indicative of the maturity level of the person who initiated it. You can choose to take a break up poorly because the other person was immature or you can rise above it. It may be tough to accept but if a person is immature about the break up, then you probably don’t want them in your life.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Why Do Amputees Have Phantom Limb Pain?
Growing up, we had a family friend who had lost a leg. He lost the limb in an accident. From time to time he had terrible pains from the missing leg. How could this happen? Let’s take a look at how people experience pain and see if we can understand this better.
Pain is a weird thing. Why did evolution equip us with the ability to sense pain? If you think about it, it makes perfect sense. An organism that can feel pain would learn to avoid certain things in the environment that could hurt it. Organisms that could not feel pain would be more likely to get themselves hurt. So, once the pain adaptation arrived, those organisms that had it would be more likely to stay alive and pass on the adaption. Here is a good example. Say, you forget that one of the burners on the stove is on and you put your hand on it. What do you do? You withdraw your hand quickly and probably yell (I can only guess what you might say lol). If you didn’t feel the pain of the burner you would risk hurting yourself badly.
What do we know about how we sense pain? Your skin is the biggest organ your body has. There are free nerve endings near the surface of the skin which enable us to sense touch and temperature. These nerves endings are connected to the spinal cord which relays the sense information to the brain. The brain has an area in each parietal lobe that keeps track of touch sensations. This is called the somatosensory cortex. Sensation from the left side of the body is registered in the right somatosensory cortex and vice versa. So, the parietal lobes are wired for us to sense touch. If someone has an accident and loses a limb, the limb is missing but the nerve connections are still present in the brain. It is for this reason that people have phantom limb pains. All the connections are still present to register touch but the limb is gone.
Okay, so is there any way to treat this problem? The neurologist, V. S. Ramachandran has come up with a novel treatment. He devised a mirror box. He would have a patient who lost his hand put his hand in the mirror box. The patient would see the reflection of his hand in the mirror as though his missing hand were still there. Then Ramachandran would have the patient make a fist and extend his fingers over and over with his good hand. The reflection in the mirror would look like the missing hand was doing the exercises, too. After enough practice, the brain gets faked out and thinks the missing hand is still there. Patients who have used the mirror box report decreased phantom limb pain. I haven’t heard that the mirror box has been used with people who lost an entire arm or leg, but if you had a large enough mirror it would probably work, too.
Pain is a weird thing. Why did evolution equip us with the ability to sense pain? If you think about it, it makes perfect sense. An organism that can feel pain would learn to avoid certain things in the environment that could hurt it. Organisms that could not feel pain would be more likely to get themselves hurt. So, once the pain adaptation arrived, those organisms that had it would be more likely to stay alive and pass on the adaption. Here is a good example. Say, you forget that one of the burners on the stove is on and you put your hand on it. What do you do? You withdraw your hand quickly and probably yell (I can only guess what you might say lol). If you didn’t feel the pain of the burner you would risk hurting yourself badly.
What do we know about how we sense pain? Your skin is the biggest organ your body has. There are free nerve endings near the surface of the skin which enable us to sense touch and temperature. These nerves endings are connected to the spinal cord which relays the sense information to the brain. The brain has an area in each parietal lobe that keeps track of touch sensations. This is called the somatosensory cortex. Sensation from the left side of the body is registered in the right somatosensory cortex and vice versa. So, the parietal lobes are wired for us to sense touch. If someone has an accident and loses a limb, the limb is missing but the nerve connections are still present in the brain. It is for this reason that people have phantom limb pains. All the connections are still present to register touch but the limb is gone.
Okay, so is there any way to treat this problem? The neurologist, V. S. Ramachandran has come up with a novel treatment. He devised a mirror box. He would have a patient who lost his hand put his hand in the mirror box. The patient would see the reflection of his hand in the mirror as though his missing hand were still there. Then Ramachandran would have the patient make a fist and extend his fingers over and over with his good hand. The reflection in the mirror would look like the missing hand was doing the exercises, too. After enough practice, the brain gets faked out and thinks the missing hand is still there. Patients who have used the mirror box report decreased phantom limb pain. I haven’t heard that the mirror box has been used with people who lost an entire arm or leg, but if you had a large enough mirror it would probably work, too.
How to Think Like a Dog
Do you ever feel like you can’t quiet your mind? Sometimes it’s tough to stop all that chatter inside your head. If you’ve ever done yoga, then you know that each routine typically ends in corpse pose where you lie sprawled on the floor and you basically meditate. Some people have told me that this part of yoga makes them uncomfortable because they can’t stop thinking about things. These are the folks that should probably be doing meditation. Training your mind can be difficult. Meditation enables you to clear your head. It has a lot of benefits such as lowering your heart rate and stress hormone levels. So, what is it about meditation that provides these benefits?
Andrew Newberg, a neurologist, has conducted brain scan studies of people practice long-term meditation such as Buddhist monks. The brain scans show increased blood flow to the front part of the brain. This makes sense since meditation takes a fair amount of concentration. There is also markedly decreased activity in the parietal lobes.
The parietal lobes, in part, are responsible for keeping track of where we are in time and space. All our peripheral nerves are wired into the parietal lobes. When you are sitting at a computer typing (like I am right now), the parietal lobes sense that my legs and butt are sitting on the chair and that my back is leaning against the seat back. The parietal lobes are registering all these things even if we are not aware of it. Our sense of touch is also connected to the parietal lobes. If I grab a glass of water with my left hand, the sensory cortex in my right parietal lobe becomes activated (remember the brain is cross-wired). So, what does it mean that there is decreased activity in the parietal lobes during meditation?
People who meditate for long periods of time often report that they feel no sense of time and space. This is probably due to lowered blood flow in the parietal lobes. Without the normal activity in this part of the brain, we feel like we are drifting in an ethereal cosmos. Meditation also produces a feeling of relaxation. I think this is a good example of how all our experiences originate in the brain.
Another thing that happens during meditation is that our language areas become less active in the brain. This is difficult initially because our thoughts are always with us. However, if you quiet your mind and reduce the activity in your parietal lobes, you start to experience things as just here and now. The only thing that exists is the moment. It’s been suggested that animals, such as dogs, live in a constant present because they lack all the language capabilities that humans have. They only experience the now. When you meditate, you are changing your brain’s acitivity so that you lessen the constant influence of thoughts in your head. It’s for this reason, that meditation makes you think like a dog.
Andrew Newberg, a neurologist, has conducted brain scan studies of people practice long-term meditation such as Buddhist monks. The brain scans show increased blood flow to the front part of the brain. This makes sense since meditation takes a fair amount of concentration. There is also markedly decreased activity in the parietal lobes.
The parietal lobes, in part, are responsible for keeping track of where we are in time and space. All our peripheral nerves are wired into the parietal lobes. When you are sitting at a computer typing (like I am right now), the parietal lobes sense that my legs and butt are sitting on the chair and that my back is leaning against the seat back. The parietal lobes are registering all these things even if we are not aware of it. Our sense of touch is also connected to the parietal lobes. If I grab a glass of water with my left hand, the sensory cortex in my right parietal lobe becomes activated (remember the brain is cross-wired). So, what does it mean that there is decreased activity in the parietal lobes during meditation?
People who meditate for long periods of time often report that they feel no sense of time and space. This is probably due to lowered blood flow in the parietal lobes. Without the normal activity in this part of the brain, we feel like we are drifting in an ethereal cosmos. Meditation also produces a feeling of relaxation. I think this is a good example of how all our experiences originate in the brain.
Another thing that happens during meditation is that our language areas become less active in the brain. This is difficult initially because our thoughts are always with us. However, if you quiet your mind and reduce the activity in your parietal lobes, you start to experience things as just here and now. The only thing that exists is the moment. It’s been suggested that animals, such as dogs, live in a constant present because they lack all the language capabilities that humans have. They only experience the now. When you meditate, you are changing your brain’s acitivity so that you lessen the constant influence of thoughts in your head. It’s for this reason, that meditation makes you think like a dog.
Love is Like Music
I’ve played the piano since I was 12 years old. I took private lessons for nearly eight years. I’m a very good pianist. Along the way, I also played the violin, saxophone, and concert percussion. I was even a music major in college for two years. So, I’ve learned a lot about life by playing music. It’s helped me express things I never knew I was capable of. I like to equate love with music. Any suggestion of sex in the description that follows is totally unintentional (I know what you’re thinking lol).
Love is a duet played by two people. You have to be on the same page together. You also need to be in the same “key” as the other person. You usually start at a slow tempo but gradually you can speed up the relationship. When it gets going, you build to a dramatic crescendo and then there’s resolution. And just like music, there’s variation and repetition. You do things you like together so there’s the repetition. Sometimes you have to spice up your relationship so there’s the variation.
A good musician knows what their instrument is capable of and how to get the best sound out of it. I can usually get good results from any piano unless it has a lot of broken keys (the horror! people should take care of their pianos). A piano such as a Steinway can make anybody sound good. It’s a pleasure to play such a beautiful instrument. You also need to keep your instrument tuned. Regular maintenance will ensure a long life for the instrument. The same is true of a relationship. If you treat your partner well and care for them, they will stay in tune with you. When you know them well enough your relationship can really grow.
So, yes I think love is like music. Everything you need to know about love can be learned from music. The piano has always been there for me. She’s never let me down. She’s accepted me unconditionally. She’s forgiven my mistakes. She’s let me be gentle and passionate. She’s let me play with wild and free abandon at times. She’s always the same with 88 keys, 52 white and 36 black. The piano is, without a doubt, my first love.
Love is a duet played by two people. You have to be on the same page together. You also need to be in the same “key” as the other person. You usually start at a slow tempo but gradually you can speed up the relationship. When it gets going, you build to a dramatic crescendo and then there’s resolution. And just like music, there’s variation and repetition. You do things you like together so there’s the repetition. Sometimes you have to spice up your relationship so there’s the variation.
A good musician knows what their instrument is capable of and how to get the best sound out of it. I can usually get good results from any piano unless it has a lot of broken keys (the horror! people should take care of their pianos). A piano such as a Steinway can make anybody sound good. It’s a pleasure to play such a beautiful instrument. You also need to keep your instrument tuned. Regular maintenance will ensure a long life for the instrument. The same is true of a relationship. If you treat your partner well and care for them, they will stay in tune with you. When you know them well enough your relationship can really grow.
So, yes I think love is like music. Everything you need to know about love can be learned from music. The piano has always been there for me. She’s never let me down. She’s accepted me unconditionally. She’s forgiven my mistakes. She’s let me be gentle and passionate. She’s let me play with wild and free abandon at times. She’s always the same with 88 keys, 52 white and 36 black. The piano is, without a doubt, my first love.
What I've Learned So Far
I just turned 40. Yikes. Time goes fast. What have I learned in 40 years? People often try to boil things down to little maxims. In reflecting on what I’ve done and where I’ve been in my life, I came up with a list of 10 things that were important for me to learn. Here they are.
1. Learn from your mistakes.
2. Surround yourself with good people.
3. Time passes regardless what you do with it.
4. The only control you have is how you respond to the future.
5. Life is a process, not a destination.
6. Everything is temporary.
7. Don’t take life too seriously.
8. Tomorrow is another day.
9. Enjoy the moment.
10. If the milk smells bad, don’t bother tasting it.
1. Learn from your mistakes.
2. Surround yourself with good people.
3. Time passes regardless what you do with it.
4. The only control you have is how you respond to the future.
5. Life is a process, not a destination.
6. Everything is temporary.
7. Don’t take life too seriously.
8. Tomorrow is another day.
9. Enjoy the moment.
10. If the milk smells bad, don’t bother tasting it.
Deja Vu All Over Again
Every semester I give a survey to my classes asking them about the kind of paranormal things they believe. The one thing they almost always say they have experienced is déjà vu. Now, it may be that they answer that way because of how the question is worded. I ask them if they have ever had the feeling that they have done something before. A few people have suggested that I should reword the question to ask whether they have ever had the feeling that they did something before and that they thought it meant they had lived in a previous life. I just might do that the next time I give out my survey.
Some people think that every experience you have ever had is encoded in your memory somewhere. That might be the case although there are others who think that every time you retrieve a memory you reconstruct it in a way similar to doing a “save as” with a computer document· If that’s the case, and there is a lot of evidence to support the idea, then you can never get back to your original memory. Still, the emotion connected to a particular memory may be triggered and that gives us the feeling that we are experiencing something again.
I often hear people say that they wish they could go back to an earlier part of their life and do things over knowing what they know now. They tell me that they would do things differently if they were given the chance. That would probably be the case if they knew what they know now, but if you had things to do over without that knowledge you would do everything that same. Who you are at a given time determines the decisions you will make. I for one wish I could change some things I’ve done, but I realize that if I had it to do over again I would do things the same. My decisions were based on who I was at a particular time. It’s sometimes a tough pill to swallow, but we would never learn all the lessons we need to learn if we didn’t experience certain things.
Our interactions in the world are based on prior experiences. We can’t approach anything without our prior knowledge and expectations. As I’ve said before in previous blogs, we are often prisoners to our memories. We can rehash events over in our head. We can replay those tapes, but nothing we do will change the past. All we have control over is how we will react to future events. This is why it’s important to learn from difficult experiences. If we learn from our past and can make peace with it, we won’t be destined to repeat the same things over and over again.
Some people think that every experience you have ever had is encoded in your memory somewhere. That might be the case although there are others who think that every time you retrieve a memory you reconstruct it in a way similar to doing a “save as” with a computer document· If that’s the case, and there is a lot of evidence to support the idea, then you can never get back to your original memory. Still, the emotion connected to a particular memory may be triggered and that gives us the feeling that we are experiencing something again.
I often hear people say that they wish they could go back to an earlier part of their life and do things over knowing what they know now. They tell me that they would do things differently if they were given the chance. That would probably be the case if they knew what they know now, but if you had things to do over without that knowledge you would do everything that same. Who you are at a given time determines the decisions you will make. I for one wish I could change some things I’ve done, but I realize that if I had it to do over again I would do things the same. My decisions were based on who I was at a particular time. It’s sometimes a tough pill to swallow, but we would never learn all the lessons we need to learn if we didn’t experience certain things.
Our interactions in the world are based on prior experiences. We can’t approach anything without our prior knowledge and expectations. As I’ve said before in previous blogs, we are often prisoners to our memories. We can rehash events over in our head. We can replay those tapes, but nothing we do will change the past. All we have control over is how we will react to future events. This is why it’s important to learn from difficult experiences. If we learn from our past and can make peace with it, we won’t be destined to repeat the same things over and over again.
You Gotta Laugh!
Time to change topics. You’ve been getting a lot of my psych musings lately. I want to talk about dating a little. People don’t want to seem shallow and say that all they care about is looks, but dating initially starts with interpersonal attraction. That’s what leads people to each other. So, assuming that both people are attracted to each other, what else is important? Usually people will say that personality is the feature they value the most. However, the one thing that trumps everything is a sense of humor. You don’t have to be fit or smart or have a lot of money if you can make people laugh. Humor can help break the ice. We like to have a good time when we are with the people we are dating. I’ve dated women who have laughed at everything I say and others who don’t get my sense of humor at all. Personally, I like someone more in the middle. It’s kind of weird if a person thinks everything you say is funny and likewise it’s not good if they don’t think you are funny at all.
Humor is subjective. What one person thinks is funny might not be funny to someone else. A lot of humor is basically at someone else’s expense. We like to poke fun at other people. Sometimes, we like to make fun of ourselves. That shows we don’t take ourselves too seriously. Women like to be teased, too. It’s all part of the bantering and flirting that goes on when two people are getting to know each other. Having fun is important. There are enough problems in the world. Dating should be a respite from the concerns we have that weigh on our minds. This isn’t to say that you can’t discuss real issues when you are dating or that eventually you may turn to more important matters as the relationship progresses. You just have to keep in mind that one of the big reasons someone will want to continue seeing you is because they feel good being with you.
Unless you get into a long-term relationship we will find ourselves without a partner from time to time. It may be more important than any other time to laugh when you are single. You have to keep a positive attitude and not let the little things get you down. Then when you do start dating you don’t have to switch gears and think now I need to make this person laugh. Humor is the great equalizer. Sometimes you see real average guys with women who are drop dead gorgeous and you can’t help wonder what they see in them. If a guy can make a woman laugh, nothing else matters. Humor trumps everything. Whatever you do, you gotta laugh!
Humor is subjective. What one person thinks is funny might not be funny to someone else. A lot of humor is basically at someone else’s expense. We like to poke fun at other people. Sometimes, we like to make fun of ourselves. That shows we don’t take ourselves too seriously. Women like to be teased, too. It’s all part of the bantering and flirting that goes on when two people are getting to know each other. Having fun is important. There are enough problems in the world. Dating should be a respite from the concerns we have that weigh on our minds. This isn’t to say that you can’t discuss real issues when you are dating or that eventually you may turn to more important matters as the relationship progresses. You just have to keep in mind that one of the big reasons someone will want to continue seeing you is because they feel good being with you.
Unless you get into a long-term relationship we will find ourselves without a partner from time to time. It may be more important than any other time to laugh when you are single. You have to keep a positive attitude and not let the little things get you down. Then when you do start dating you don’t have to switch gears and think now I need to make this person laugh. Humor is the great equalizer. Sometimes you see real average guys with women who are drop dead gorgeous and you can’t help wonder what they see in them. If a guy can make a woman laugh, nothing else matters. Humor trumps everything. Whatever you do, you gotta laugh!
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